No More an Enabler

As a natural-born caregiver (oldest of 7 children), I have had tendencies in the past to attract alcoholic/addicts into my life. I used to think I had a neon sign on my forehead saying, “Here I am, abuse/use me…” My ex-husband was an abusive alcoholic/drug addict. When I decided I was leaving for good, he checked himself into a St. Luke’s rehab hospital for a 3-week program (he was back to his old ways within 3 months because he would not call on his sponsor and his ‘friends’ would not come around any more). It was during the family therapy groups there that I learned what enablers were. I also learned a lot about what it means to be an enabler from the Al-Anon program. Both parties have dysfunctional issues that need to be dealt with, mainly self-worth and who we are in Christ.

Enabling is codependency in action. An enabler is someone who responds to another’s problem by attempting to take care of the situation by making things all right. Feeling that the other person’s problem is most likely our fault, an enabler allows the behavior to determine our worth. Only when we are doing for others do we feel “I’m somebody, I’m appreciated, I have value.” This over-developed sense of responsibility makes it hard to let go and allow others to take responsibility for their own behavior and problems.

The solution to the quicksand of enabling is found in a new understanding of what God says about our relationships with others and about who God is and who we are.

Scripture makes it clear that no one is responsible for the actions of others – Romans 14:12 “So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God.” From time to time I still need this reminder. I have learned to catch and overcome that feeling that “it must be my fault” or “I must have done something wrong” so I need to fix whatever is wrong when someone seems in a bad mood. Since I know I have done nothing amiss to them, I ask myself, “Could it be they are having a bad day, or maybe something happened to them today…” I then say a prayer for them and try to be an encouragement, even if just by giving a hug.

When the rich young ruler came to Jesus – Mark 10:17-22 “And when he was gone forth into the way, there came one running, and kneeled to him, and asked him, Good Master, what shall I do that I may inherit eternal life? And Jesus said unto him, Why callest thou me good? there is none good but one, that is, God. Thou knowest the commandments, Do not commit adultery, Do not kill, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Defraud not, Honour thy father and mother. And he answered and said unto him, Master, all these have I observed from my youth. Then Jesus beholding him loved him, and said unto him, One thing thou lackest: go thy way, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, take up the cross, and follow me. And he was sad at that saying, and went away grieved: for he had great possessions.” Jesus spoke truth to him, then He let him make his own decision. He did not attempt to follow the young man or manipulate his actions–though He loved him dearly.

Letting go is hard, and those who may have become accustomed to our enabling abilities will not take kindly to our letting them go. In fact, they may react in very hateful ways and we may never see them again. However, understanding that God alone is the Great Shepherd – John 10:11 “I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep.”, and that He does His job well – Isaiah 40:11 “He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young.” makes it possible for us to release even one greatly loved to the Lord. I have found that when I have let go of those who loved me for all I would do for them, I have released them into the loving arms of Jesus and His healing hand, because He loves each and every one of us as the individuals that we are.

The enabler, most of all, needs to understand who she/he is in Christ – Ephesians 1:17, 18 “That the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give unto you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of him: The eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that ye may know what is the hope of his calling, and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints,” We are of great value because God loves us–not because of what we do, but for who we are as His beloved children. The Lord loved us before we had a chance to accomplish or fail at anything; and as a new creation in Christ Jesus, we are holy and blameless in His eyes – Ephesians 1:4 “According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love:” God’s love and mercy toward us (even before the foundation of the world!) are rich and great – Ephesians 2:4, 5 “But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us, Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved;)”, and we are His children because God wills for us to be so, not because we have earned favor on our own merit – Ephesians 1:5 “Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will”.

After two failed marriages, I finally took time to know who I was and who I am, and I learned that God loves me for who I am in Him, a sinner saved by Grace. He also showed me (by sending me a man who loves me more than I thought it possible to be loved by any man, when I least expected it) that I am a pretty good ole gal worth loving. I in no way deserve abuse, and I am not responsible for how someone else may be feeling or what they may be going through. Had I taken time to grow in Him in my younger days, I would have known to go to Him about the soul mate He had for me.

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Posted by on March 18, 2015 in God's Love


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Let Him be Crucified!


Yes indeed!

Originally posted on Study God's Word:

Matthew 27: 20-23. “But the chief priests and elders persuaded the multitude that they should ask Barabbas, and destroy Jesus. The governor answered and said unto them, Whether of the twain will ye that I release unto you?  They said, Barabbas. Pilate saith unto them, What shall I do then with Jesus which is called Christ? They all say unto him, Let Him be crucified. And the governor said, Why, what evil hath He done? But they cried out the more, saying, Let Him be crucified.”

What an  ugly mob this has turned out to be!

Pilate knew in his heart the Jesus was not guilty of death, and he offered them Barabbas instead. But the chief priests and elders had been worming their way through the crowd, whispering, stirring up what I like to think of as the low-information voters.  Their leaders were filling their empty heads with lies…

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Posted by on March 17, 2015 in Uncategorized


Little IS Much!

Dr. Tom Wallace had a great devotion in the Baptist Bread for today. This is part of why our country has turned its back on God and is in the shape it is in.

Zechariah 4:10 “For who hath despised the day of small things?…the eyes of the LORD,…run to and fro through the whole earth.” There is NOTHING that is hidden from God, NOTHING!

“Most of us know and love the truth in the song, “Little is much when God is in it.” That same thought is found in the principle of wrong doing and sin. Little is too much when we are speaking of sin. One of satan’s subtle suggestions is, “It’s no big deal.” He got Eve to eat forbidden fruit with that approach. Saul did not consider it a big thing to spare Agag the Amalekite, but he lost his kingdom over it. When David insisted that the people of Israel be numbered, it didn’t appear to be much of an issue, but thousands of people died because of it. It is the little foxes that spoil the vines. Ninety-nine percent pure water, and one percent arsenic will make a person one-hundred percent dead! Ananias and Sapphira did not think the little lie they told Peter was a big deal but God saw it quite differently. Another classic illustration of this truth is the death of Uzza, who innocently touched the Ark to keep it from falling. He violated a basic law of God.”

“Just slacking off a little bit in our Bible reading, in our praying, in our church attendance, in our tithing and in our witnessing is a much bigger issue than we suppose. The results will be much more damaging than we imagine. Maybe the old adage, “An inch is as near as a mile if you miss” is worth considering.” T. W.

We have all been through this at some point in our lives. I know that I have in the past. As I mature in my walk with the Lord, I understand that those subtle little things do indeed lead into much bigger things. As time goes on, and we become numb to the sin, we no longer think of it as sin. God has led me to turn from that thinking and be ever aware of it, so much so that I have experienced being ostracized by close family members for not being willing to play hooky from church, or to let our son be involved in their sin. Lies have been told about me to make themselves feel better about their own lifestyles. The demeaning and disrespect is painful to think about, but I do understand that they are in bondage to the evil temporary pleasures of this world, and I continue to love them and pray for God’s intervention and deliverance from that bondage. I take much comfort in the fact that “nothing is hidden from God” and all things are in His control. All I need do is leave it all in His most capable hands and do my very best to live as closely to Him as humanly possible.

Nearly every day, we hear in the news of the fall of one of God’s Shepherd’s because of some sin they chose to be involved in. A beloved preacher I knew and loved for over 16 years stepped down from the pulpit this past year after admitting that he had been stealing money from missions for his own personal use. I am sure when he began doing it many years ago, he justified it with the same kind of thinking, “It’s just a little; I will put it back later…” His actions have caused much harm and pain for many in the flock, as well as the missionaries who did not get the money. His life is pretty much a wreck now, and that does not make me happy. I pray God will accomplish His will through it all, because we have God’s promise in Romans 8:28.

The only safeguard any of us have is to NOT waver from our quiet time with our LORD and in His Word, shining our lights and sharing the Good News of Jesus Christ, and yes church attendance, where we have the strength, love and support of our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. Hebrews 10:25 “Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: AND SO MUCH THE MORE, AS YE SEE THE DAY APPROACHING.

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Posted by on February 21, 2015 in God's Love


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Perfect Opportunity for a Rant!


Spot on!

Originally posted on Just Writing!:

“Think global, act local.” Write a post connecting a global issue to a personal one.


This one could make me very unpopular. It stirs me up!  Gets me in march formation :)  Makes me want to climb up on my soapbox  and orate to the masses.

About what? 

About the stupidity of political correctness; about Obama’s determination not to call Radical Islam what it is; about the foolishness of the dangerous position Hillary took that we need to “empathize” with our enemies; about the blind refusal to acknowledge that we are indeed at war with Radical Islam, and that at this point, they are winning.

How can we act locally?  We’re not threatened here in America, after all.

Are you serious? Of course we are! We are the “Great Satan” in their eyes, and we are the last bastion of freedom in this miserable world. Their ultimate goal is…

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Posted by on February 21, 2015 in Uncategorized


Fifty Shades of Sin


Well Said

Originally posted on Study God's Word:

I have never read the Shades of Gray books; I never will. I certainly will not see the trashy movie, which even the two main characters themselves aren’t very proud of. They shouldn’t be.

This is one of the best pieces I’ve read about all this, and I decided to pass it on to you.

It doesn’t take long to read, and it’s well worth the time.

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Posted by on February 19, 2015 in Uncategorized


God Knows

As the evil and chaos in our world unfold more each day, we are to let these things be a sign to us. We are to watch, let our lights shine to lead the lost to Jesus, and be ready. I believe the evil corruption in our government touches all of us. I also believe it is a result of and punishment for our country’s “going away from God.” As history proves, any nation that rejects God suffers the consequences as we “go our own way.” If we say we are God’s children, but we continue to live in the sinfulness of this world, we are as guilty as any for bringing this punishment upon us. If we sit idly by and do or say nothing, we are just as guilty as those evil liberalists and their socialist policies in the government who’s mission seems to be the destruction of the United States of America. Things are very bad and getting worse with each passing day; signs of the choices made for evil. We do not know the exact day and hour when our Father will send His Son for His Church. Only our Father in Heaven knows, but Jesus did share signs for us to be aware of. Jesus also told us how to behave as Christians and to “be ye also ready…”

Jesus’ words on the Mount of Olives say all that need be said. “He who has an ear, let him hear!!”

Matthew 24:36-51

36 But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only.

37 But as the days of Noe were, so shall also the coming of the Son of man be.

38 For as in the days that were before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark,

39 And knew not until the flood came, and took them all away; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be.

40 Then shall two be in the field; the one shall be taken, and the other left.

41 Two women shall be grinding at the mill; the one shall be taken, and the other left.

42 Watch therefore: for ye know not what hour your Lord doth come.

43 But know this, that if the goodman of the house had known in what watch the thief would come, he would have watched, and would not have suffered his house to be broken up.

44 Therefore be ye also ready: for in such an hour as ye think not the Son of man cometh.

45 Who then is a faithful and wise servant, whom his lord hath made ruler over his household, to give them meat in due season?

46 Blessed is that servant, whom his lord when he cometh shall find so doing.

47 Verily I say unto you, That he shall make him ruler over all his goods.

48 But and if that evil servant shall say in his heart, My lord delayeth his coming;

49 And shall begin to smite his fellowservants, and to eat and drink with the drunken;

50 The lord of that servant shall come in a day when he looketh not for him, and in an hour that he is not aware of,

51 And shall cut him asunder, and appoint him his portion with the hypocrites: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

There are many today who mock and attack God’s children, who strive to live a life that is glorifying to our God as we are commanded to do, just as they did poor Noah and his family for over 100 years as they were obediently building the ark and calling for repentance. I urge all reading this to repent of your sin and obey our one and only True God Jehovah by living a life that will point the lost to Jesus. As we can all see, time is running out! None of us want to stand before Jesus and give account for the part we play in these last days for leading others away from Him by our actions. The choice is ours.

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Posted by on February 16, 2015 in God's Truth


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Be Prepared for Opposition

Matthew 10:34 “Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.”

When we decide to take up Jesus’ cross and live for Him and put Him first, we must be prepared for opposition which will come, not only from the lost in this world, but much more heartbreaking is that it will come from those closest to us. If they are not seeking to know Christ more and to become more like Him each day, as we are, the conviction will be such that they will not be comfortable in our presence and they will accuse us of judging them and of being self-righteous. We must bathe ourselves in His Word and claim His promises, as we continue on our path with our Saviour and lift them up to Him for deliverance from this world.

Matthew 10:35-42:

“For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. And a man’s foes shall be they of his own household. He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me. He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it. He that receiveth you receiveth me, and he that receiveth me receiveth him that sent me. He that receiveth a prophet in the name of a prophet shall receive a prophet’s reward; and he that receiveth a righteous man in the name of a righteous man shall receive a righteous man’s reward. And whosoever shall give to drink unto one of these little ones a cup of cold water only in the name of a disciple, verily I say unto you, he shall in no wise lose his reward.”

Jesus Christ Carrying Cross

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Posted by on January 31, 2015 in Godly Women


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