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Meet Anna

MAY I ALWAYS BE A WORK IN PROGRESS


I painted this picture when I was working through a very dark time in my life. After having ignored wounds that began in early childhood, for nearly 35 years, everything started spilling out of my trashcan of pain. This picture is a representation of how God took the ugliness of sin inflicted upon me and turned it into good. As I share my story, I trust Jesus to reach out to you and meet the needs in your life as only he can.

At the age of 5, I was molested by a grandfather, then at age 6, my father used the excuse that he “just wanted to know what my grandfather did” to molest me as well.

When I told my mother, there was a huge fallout, of course. My mother was going to leave my father and take us kids (there were 4 of us at the time – I am the oldest of 7). My father used scare tactics: “if you leave, the state will take all the kids from you and split them up into different homes.”

She believed him and stayed, and from then on I felt like I was the one who had caused all the trouble, and that I was the “weird” child. I spent most of my childhood through junior high as an outcast because I isolated myself and was pretty much a loner, always picked on as we moved from town to town.

God sent me a best friend, a Christian, in high school who helped me get close to God. She helped me to remember that I had asked Jesus in my heart at age 10. That was thanks to my grandmother (my mother’s mom) taking us kids to Sunday School and church. My friend also helped me to remember that God loves me and I am not alone, and that I am a good, likable, worthy person (because of what Jesus did for me).

Then my buddy fell head over heels in love, and she had to get married in our senior year of high school. Because of the pressures she faced about being pregnant, she ended up quitting school. I am not blaming her because I started running around with the party crowd; I made my own choices. I guess I was not as strong as I should have been in the Lord. I also believe I had begun to ‘numb’ my feelings.

My family lived out in the country and it was ‘inconvenient’ for my parents to make sure we went to church. My father was not yet saved. My mother would try to encourage, but Daddy would not budge.

I started making the wrong kinds of friends and partying and doing things I should not have been doing. I put myself in the wrong place at the wrong time, and I was raped by a boy who said he “had wanted to do that since junior high”. The boy spread the word all over school that he had had his way with me (putting it nicely). When my sister, a year younger than me found out, she said she would disown me if I got pregnant. I did not dare tell my parents for fear that my father would kill the boy.

The summer after graduation, I met my first husband-love at first sight?-and after 3 weeks we were married. That lasted for 6 years. I failed to go to God before getting married to see if he was the ‘one’, and of course, it did not work out. But, I have 2 beautiful daughters from that marriage.

I moved to Grand Junction and went to work in a bar. It was there that I met my second husband. He was a roughneck who worked the drilling rigs. Once again, I ‘felt’ I was truly in love, but here again I did not ask God if he was the right one for me.

We lived together for nearly a year and then got married. I had went to work in a nursing home by then. After we were married I started to see a slight change in him, like I was his property, but there was no abuse yet. I would not see it at the time, because I drank too, but he would drink to excess and black out.

One day he was nearly killed in a drilling accident and for 2 years I cared for him through surgeries and all. He became addicted to pain pills and drank with them. It went from bad to worse and the physical and verbal abuse escalated.

We separated and got back together many times because of his promises to change. I loved him so much and was so blinded by that love that I would believe him. I needed to believe him. He even went through a detox program for 3 weeks in St. Luke’s (because I was leaving), but that did not last long. His drinking buddies wouldn’t come around because he couldn’t drink with them.

We moved to the Springs in 1988 and found a great church home. We both rededicated our lives to the Lord, but he was too proud to get help for his addictions, and decided that God wanted him to be that way. In his eyes, because I continued to be faithful to the Lord, I became “better than thou, goody-2-shoes”.

My oldest daughter had come to live with us full-time and I would not allow his drinking in our home. Of course, what did he do? He found friends just like him and went to their house to party, sometimes for days.

In 1990 he totally ruined our Thanksgiving with his drinking, and I told him that I was looking for a place of my own, and if he ruined Christmas we would be gone. I am sure you can guess that, yes, it happened the week before Christmas and on Christmas Eve, friends from our church helped me move into a small one-bedroom apartment.

He did agree to go with me for marriage counseling with our pastor, but after the sessions he would make fun of what the pastor would say and I could tell he was not sincere. I decided after a month or so that it was not going to work because he was just doing what he thought I wanted him to. So we got divorced.

I, again, went into ‘unworthy’ mode. I stopped teaching 2nd grade Sunday School, stopped going to choir practice, and eventually left the church.

A year later, I met Ron. This time I went to God in prayer (I had 2 failed marriages under my belt, and I was terrified of even having another relationship). Ron and I dated for a year. I got to know him and his family. We became very good friends after much testing on my part. I had to make sure that Ron would not hurt me in any way. God Bless Him! I have never been so truly loved by a man. Neither have I ever truly loved a man the way I love him. I knew it was God’s will and we were married in 1993.

After 2 years, everything bubbled over in my life, and that is when I took out my pain on my loving husband without even realizing that I was doing it. I know now that it was misdirected anger.

I continue to praise and thank God for sending me this wonderful man. He loved me so much (and still does!) that I felt safe to face all of the agony that I had ignored for so long. I have become a stronger, wiser, and I pray, more Godly woman because of it.

This has been the toughest journey of my life, but it has also been the most healing one. Is God finished with me yet? I certainly hope not! I will not be a finished product until I go home to be with Him.🙂

To all of you who are reading this, if you are also survivors of one kind of abuse or another, I ask you to please turn to Jesus and let him lead you through your healing process. Stay in church and close to your sisters in Christ. There are many times that I wish that I had done so, instead of listening to Satan’s lies and believing that I was unworthy. I do know that, in His infinite mercy and love, God led me through my journey to restoration the way He knew I needed to go. He knows the best way for you as well. His Light is at the end of the tunnel!

 

29 responses to “Meet Anna

  1. Tracy K

    July 17, 2016 at 10:53 pm

    Hello, I wanted to leave a comment under another post you posted about prayer, but comment section was closed so I decided to leave it here. Over the last few months I really see how God is hearing my prayers and answering them. Maybe perhaps I am more focused on hearing from him than ever before. If only others could see how God loves us so much that we wants to hear from us often. I drive for my work a lot and I am able to find that quiet time with the Lord, riding in my car. Just like you said, we need that quiet time to spend with the Lord without interruptions. Anyway that post was a blessing. Thanks for writing it.

     
    • Anna

      July 18, 2016 at 10:57 am

      Thank you for stopping by Tracy. It is answered prayer that this was a blessing for you. You are right, we all need that uninterrupted quiet time with the Lord, and He does so want to spend time with us. Without it we become complacent and stagnant, and we do not grow in our walk with Him. I cannot imagine anyone not wanting to “Know Him More.” The time alone in your car with Him is great time with the Lord! See how there really is no excuse not to have time. God Bless You.❤

       
  2. Kristi Ann

    December 16, 2015 at 12:18 pm

    Amen Sister in Christ Jesus Anna!!

    Merry CHRISTmas to all my Brothers and Sisters in Christ Jesus-Yeshua!!

    Love❤ Always and Shalom Everyone,

    Kristi Ann

     
    • Anna

      December 16, 2015 at 12:39 pm

      Shalom to you Kristi Ann. Thank you for stopping by. I visited your site and I must say what a blessed example you are of loving our Lord and praising Him in whatever circumstance He allows. Oh, that I would get better at that myself.❤ A Blessed Christmas season to you as we celebrate the birth of our Saviour!

       
  3. Amelia Richardson Dress

    May 9, 2015 at 4:22 pm

    I am so happy to have found you on here…what a joy to be able to connect this way. I am also in admiration of your courage and faith in sharing your story. Blessings!

     
    • Anna

      May 9, 2015 at 5:31 pm

      Same here sweet God Daughter. I am so proud of the strong, Godly woman you have grown into. I am so glad your Momma shared your blog with me. It is my desire for my story to make whatever difference for the Lord in someone’s life that I can. I must give Him all the glory for the strength.❤

       
  4. dcardiff

    August 1, 2013 at 11:06 am

    Hi Anna, thanks for being so open with your life story. I have heard many stories like this, and some even worse. Please know that you are not defined by what was done to you, or by the choices you made in the past. That is over. Each moment, you are a new person. I’m sure that this blog will help many women who have lived, or are currently living in an abusive relationship. You have found the light, so let it shine.

    When ever I am confronted with a difficult choice to make I ask, “What would Jesus do?” I always choose the way of love.

    Blessings,
    Dennis

     
    • Anna

      August 1, 2013 at 5:48 pm

      Thank you, Dennis, for your most encouraging words. God Bless You!

       
  5. Shirley Fohl

    July 15, 2013 at 2:05 pm

    Dear Anna,

    your testimony is such a wonderful blessing to Gods Grace that can be had by all who are willing to trust Christ as their Savior. You are a real blessing to me at church always full of joy keep up all the good work for the Lord. See you Wednesday Love in Christ your sister in the Lord. Shirley Fohl

     
    • Anna

      July 15, 2013 at 2:09 pm

      Thank you dear sister in Christ. I am so glad you were blessed by my testimony. God Bless You!

       
  6. Kris

    April 30, 2013 at 11:20 pm

    I’m grateful that I ran across your blog and testimony. Blessings.

     
    • Anna

      May 3, 2013 at 8:58 pm

      Thank you Kris. It is a blessing to me to know that you are blessed by stopping by. I looked at your blog and I find it to be very refreshing! God Bless You.

       
  7. Unshakable Hope

    April 19, 2013 at 11:07 am

    Such a powerful testimony, Anna! Thank you for being so open and honest. God bless you as you move forward in Christ.

     
    • Anna

      April 19, 2013 at 1:32 pm

      Thank you and thank you for stopping by. God Bless!

       
  8. aviesplace2012

    January 25, 2013 at 1:52 pm

    God bless you, Anna, for being transparent in sharing your testimony even in the face of possible misunderstanding or persecution! God is faithful to take the messes of our lives and turn them into messages to help us and others who may be experiencing the same difficulties! To God be the glory for the great things He has done in and through you! My sincerest thanks to you for being open to His leading in your life!

    May God’s blessings rest upon you and your household!

     
    • Anna

      January 25, 2013 at 2:01 pm

      Thank you, Avie, for your very kind words of encouragement. As I am sure you understand, I must give the credit to our loving Father for His confidence and guidance to help me to share my testimony. My prayer is that if it helps even just one to come closer to God, it is successful. He is all we need! God Bless You and Yours! Stop by any time.

       
  9. Reality Of Christ

    January 22, 2013 at 1:54 pm

    What an awesome testimony. Thanks for sharing it! As it is very inspirational.

     
    • Anna

      January 22, 2013 at 5:43 pm

      Thank you for such kind words. It is answered prayer that you find it inspirational. God Bless!

       
  10. boughtandsetfree

    January 12, 2013 at 12:09 am

    Anna,
    Thanks for being brave to share. I was to in abusive marriage and for years would not take part in communion because I did not feel worthy enough because of the turmoil in my home. I now know better and gladly take it in remembrance of what the LORD did for me. So crazy how we hold onto the lies.

     
    • Anna

      January 12, 2013 at 9:06 am

      It really is crazy how we hold onto satan’s lies, isn’t it? I must continually be in God’s word, as I get my strength and confidence from His truths. Thank you for stopping by and sharing. God Bless You!

       
  11. meetingintheclouds

    September 24, 2012 at 2:46 pm

    Hi Anna. Thank you for this testimony to the grace of God.

    I was extremely abused for the first 22 years of my life, mainly by my eldest sister and three ‘fathers’ the 3rd ‘father’ being the vilest man I have ever known or could imagine. My life changed completely 8th June 1958 when God stepped into my life, and for the last 54 years He has continued His work in me.

    Although the abuse (especially the mental abuse) affected me for many years after I became a Christian, and the day under the house gave me nightmares for years, I came to the point that I could THANK God for everything that happened.

    Truly we serve an amazing God!

     
    • Anna

      September 24, 2012 at 5:35 pm

      Thank you for sharing, MeetingintheClouds. What a truly wonderful testimony you have. Yes, we most assuredly do have a very amazing God!

       
  12. John A. David

    August 26, 2012 at 11:09 pm

    God bless you🙂

     
    • Anna

      January 25, 2013 at 2:04 pm

      Thank you.

       
  13. writinggomer

    August 2, 2012 at 9:28 pm

    I can only say wow. I’m glad you were able to come out on top with the help of the Lord.

    Blessings
    Greg

     
    • Anna

      August 2, 2012 at 9:43 pm

      Thank you Greg. You are so right when you say, “with the help of the Lord.” He is the only answer for me. I shudder to think of where I might be if not for Him. God Bless You, Anna

       
  14. Anna

    February 6, 2012 at 11:09 am

    Thank you for your kind words, Ian. I had a very difficult time when I first decided to share this because I kept thinking of what other people might think of me. Then a dear friend reminded me of when we first met, and how God had told my story to her through me. This is how it came out. It is my prayer that if God uses this to touch and change just one life for Him, than what other “people planned” was turned to good for His purpose. I agree totally that it is “the Lord’s will” that is going to be done. He is on is throne and in control of all things. Some times, I still need that reminder. God Bless you, my bother.

     
  15. Ian Webster

    January 28, 2012 at 7:46 am

    Thank you for sharing your painful journey with us. My sister (one of God’s special gifts) shared Proverbs 21:19 with me recently when I needed to hear it: “People may plan all kinds of things, but the Lord’s will is going to be done.”
    I guess “people” might include us too.
    It’s not always easy to hear that promise, but so important to believe it.
    I enjoyed your “Alabaster Box” and will link with it when I post my story tomorow sometime, based the same passage.
    Blessings.

     
    • Anna

      January 25, 2013 at 2:05 pm

      Thank you for stopping by and for sharing. God Bless You

       

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